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Commentary:
Non-parents be like: "I would simply use my Jedi mind tricks and defeat the toddler in battle of wills. Easy peasy, right? 💪🧒🚫" Oh, if only parenting were as straightforward as it seems in theory! 😅 #ParentingStruggles

expectations, humor, i, instruction, non-parent, obedience, obey, parenting, something, toddler, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

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2 months ago

20s, 40s, age, big, deal, eating, health, healthy, humor, lifestyle, oh, realization
Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

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2 months ago

car, collection, hobby, hot, Hot Wheels, humor, i, over, playful, toy, visit, wheels
Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

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2 months ago

calling, education, existence, humor, irony, pain, PhD, pleasure, reading, study
They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

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1 month ago

broccoli, cake, comparison, dessert, effort, fix, food, humor, least, problem, problems, say, sugar, well
Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

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2 months ago

absurdity, cake, existential, food, humor, i, imagine, know, nothingness, rice, rice cake, still, taste, thanks
Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

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2 months ago

days, giving, humor, life, marine, marine life, observation, opinion, silence, time, weeks, whale

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

97 shares on Slack this month:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

66 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

53 shares on Slack this month:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Going viral on Threads:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Just landed via YouTube:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Trending via Snapchat:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Just shared via Instagram:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨