Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.
  • My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.
  • I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.
  • God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”
  • Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.
  • I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.