Welcome to Wordgag – where the jokes never stop! 😂 With over 6,000+ funny quotes, we've got a fresh dose of humor for every mood. 😜 From clever comebacks to laugh-out-loud moments, there's something here for everyone. Dive in and enjoy! 🤩💬 #lol #haha #funnyquotes #funnysayings #wittyquotes 👇

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.