Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,896

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Shared recently on Discord:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Breaking via X:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Live now on Slack:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Spotted on YouTube:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

More funny quotes 👇

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

0

11 hours ago

birth, birth year, Christmas, Christmas present, consider, floor, gentle, gift, gift wrap, holiday, humor, present, presents, reminder, should, table, wrap, wrapping, year
“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

0

11 hours ago

alone, everyone, family, holiday, home, home alone, house, humor, moment, movie, peace, reminder
For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

0

11 hours ago

Christmas, confusion, figure, holiday, humor, ID, life, self-improvement, wish
Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

0

11 hours ago

1, 2, Christmas, holiday, humor, oh, procrastination, shopping, stages, stress, time
Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

0

11 hours ago

burger, Burger King, childhood, childhood nostalgia, disappearance, disappearing, fast, fast food, food, forest, going, Grinch, Grinch meal, humor, king, McDonald’s, meal, nostalgia, Spongebob, Spongebob meal, twenty
December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

0

11 hours ago

beard, belief, Christmas, claus, December, everything, fat, fat man, fix, holiday, man, me, Santa, Santa Claus, someone
Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

0

11 hours ago

alive, app, digital, digital pet, going, humor, irony, keep, mobile, mobile app, needs, offline, pet, someone, Tamagotchi, technology, virtual, virtual pet
Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

3

1 day ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible
I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

0

1 day ago

budgeting, finance, hate, humor, i, lose, math, me, money, personal, personal finance, self blame, spending, where
December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

0

1 day ago

calorie, count, December, diet, eating, festive, food, holiday, humor, indulgence, law

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

67 shares on Discord this month:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

44 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Spotted on Discord:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

Trending via YouTube:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Live now on Instagram:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Trending via TikTok:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Going viral on X:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Just landed via YouTube:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨