Wordgag ツ

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’