My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice? Posted onMay 19, 2026
My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing. Posted onMay 19, 2026
So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters? Posted onMay 19, 2026
You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in. Posted onMay 19, 2026
TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older. Posted onMay 19, 2026