Wordgag ツ

5,000+ funny quotes

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Funny Quotes May 16, 2024

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Funny Quotes June 14, 2024

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Funny Quotes August 13, 2024

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Funny Quotes September 30, 2023

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Funny Quotes November 15, 2023

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Funny Quotes May 30, 2024

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Funny Quotes August 20, 2024

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Funny Quotes September 27, 2024

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023