Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy t… Commentary:Being a rebel, one trash day at a time! 🗑️😎🦸♂️
If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies would… Commentary:Getting the mixtape ready for my doctor’s office since it looks like I'm cruising down memory lane straight to the colonoscopy ward! 🚗💽🩺
My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me lik… Commentary:Cats have an MBA in blaming others. Next, they'll demand an apology letter and a spotless résumé. ☕😹
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. Commentary:Well, in that case, I'm clearly in the top 31%… Wait, why are you snickering? 🤔😏
Here I am, block me like a hurricane. Commentary:Blocking spammers like a hurricane on a mission! 🌪️🚫🤣
Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow w… Commentary:Ah, the modern-day soap opera: Watching other people have fun while we're at home in our pajamas… living the dream! 🍿🛋️😂
Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat. Commentary:Eating every time the light turns red isn't technically fasting! 🚦🥐
Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of… Commentary:Finally, a use for deep fake technology that saves us from the 'Can you hear me now?' struggle! 🤔🤖💼
I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it… Commentary:Looks like my vision is starting to give me a wrinkle discount! 👓😂