Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,555

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Spotted on Telegram:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Making waves on Slack:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Just shared via Telegram:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

Live now on YouTube:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Going viral on Instagram:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Making waves on Threads:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Spotted on Messenger:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

2 months ago

0

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between desire and necessity! 💪🍫 Who can resist the siren call of a sweet, delicious treat when faced with the daunting challenge of achieving washboard abs? Chocolate always wins the battle for my heart (and stomach)! 😂 #Priorities"

abs, chocolate, cravings, dieting, difference, fitness, humor, i, need, people, priorities, understand, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

0

2 months ago

artist, concert, concert tickets, discount, entertainment, humor, music, should, special, super, tickets
The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

0

2 months ago

dream, dreams, female, find out, humor, phone, phones, relationship
My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

0

2 months ago

checklist, dating, humor, relationship, standards, Unabomber
I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, backyard, every, flashlight, funny activity, here, high, hour, humor, i, know, let, neighbors, power, scan, security, tolerance, weirdness
At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, personality, podcast, shy, transformation
I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

0

2 months ago

activity, beat, costume, course, creative, fun, fun activity, Godzilla, golf, humor, i, miniature, miniature golf, playful, put, quirky, windmill

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on X this month:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

78 shares on YouTube this month:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

41 shares on Discord this month:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

68 shares on X this month:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

77 shares on X this month:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

98 shares on X this month:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,531

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Going viral on Discord:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Making waves on Twitch:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Just landed via Facebook:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

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