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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,361

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Just shared via Instagram:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Just landed via YouTube:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Trending via Slack:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Just landed via Instagram:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Breaking via Discord:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Witty quote about trying new methods and learning from mistakes, humorous and playful tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Life's full of contradictions: 'No right or wrong way to do it' until boom 💥, you find the wrong way! 🤷‍♂️🙃 #Oops"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Facebook this month:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Hang in there, it gets worse.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,284

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Seen just now on Twitch:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Trending via Snapchat:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Going viral on Slack:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Trending via TikTok:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Just shared via Snapchat:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

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