WILKES-BARRE—Local sleep researchers are scratching their heads over a phenomenon splitting the science community: the mysterious disappearance of ‘couch tiredness’ upon moving to bed. “The data suggest couches emit a unique sleep-repelling force,” said Dr. Martin Pillow. “Yet, beds remain blissfully ignorant of this science-defying anomaly.”
Despite conducting multiple overnight studies, researchers find test subjects wide awake in bed after dozing on sofas. “It’s truly perplexing,” sleep scientist Joanne Zaster confided. “We’ve tried EVERYTHING—lavender pillows, whale sounds, warm milk—but beds remain a no-go zone for drowsiness.”
For now, scientists are proposing unconventional hypotheses. “We suspect an inter-dimensional entity that steals exhaustion during that brief standing-up interval,” theorized Dr. Pillow, while clutching his own couch, hoping for breakthroughs as he drifted off mid-discussion.