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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Jan 6, 2026

3,628

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Breaking via YouTube:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Trending via Instagram:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Spotted on Telegram:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

2 months ago

0

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone took 'till death do us part' quite literally! 🎪🐒 Here lies a man who knew how to keep life wild and entertaining even after he's gone. May his wife juggle it all with grace and humor! 🤹‍♀️😂 #RelationshipGoals #MonkeyBusiness"

beloved, circus, i, leave, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

0

2 months ago

communication, concern, email, emails, humor, sarcasm, today, work
Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

0

2 months ago

ancient, better, Chinese, Chinese philosopher, following, fuk, Fuk Yu, humor, i, improvement, joke, life, life improvement, much, philosopher, philosophy, wisdom, yu
At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

0

2 months ago

age, break, fear, heartbreak, hip, humor, life, priorities
It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

0

2 months ago

activity, burger, crazy, food, fun, fun activity, just, never, nostalgia, people, socializing, used
I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, beautiful, creativity, emotion, everyone, feel, humor, joke, pain, poorly, something, transformation, turn, weird
No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

0

2 months ago

elderly, else, family, fine, grandma, humor, joke, needs, nobody, sarcasm, stairs, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

39 shares on Slack this month:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

60 shares on X this month:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,359

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Just shared via X:

Cheating on an exam by memorizing all the content beforehand so I can easily answer the questions.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Trending via Reddit:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Spotted on Twitch:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Trending via Threads:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Shared recently on Threads:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

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