“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

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A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

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“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

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Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

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It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

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Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

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People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

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When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.