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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Trending via Discord:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Shared recently on Threads:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Making waves on X:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Going viral on Twitch:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Witty quote about tattoos and patience, highlighting humor and playful self-awareness.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, these tattoos? They signify my dedication to patience and commitment…or maybe just my ability to nap like a pro! 💤💉 #InkAndChill"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Messenger this month:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

53 shares on X this month:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

67 shares on Discord this month:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever watched the teams you hate be first-round exits?

66 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Spotted on TikTok:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Making waves on Slack:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Shared recently on Threads:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Seen just now on Discord:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Breaking via Telegram:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Just landed via Facebook:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

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