Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.