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Ah, the age-old conundrum of wanting what one can't have 🤓💍 Don't worry ladies, the intelligent men are too busy pondering the mysteries of the universe to worry about changing their facebook status to married! 😉🌌

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Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

1 month ago
entertainment, forget, fun, girlfriend, humor, listening, minutes, priorities, relationship, spend, spent, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, time, time spent, wrapped, year
The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

1 month ago
adventure, exploration, humor, i, journey, know, shortcut, travel, words
Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

1 month ago
awkward, awkward moment, embarrassment, fly, friendship, humor, joke, let, man, me, moment
Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

1 month ago
afterlife, chain, Chain Saw, critique, death, die, film, full, hole, horror, horror film, humor, massacre, movie, movie critique, plot, plot hole, saw, Texas, victim
90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

1 month ago
90, cravings, eat, food, humor, hunger, i, start, thoughts
The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

1 month ago
appointment, disappointment, ever, expectations, humor, irony, life, time

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

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I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

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Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

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Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

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I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

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Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

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Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Just landed via Messenger:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Freshly posted on X:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Making waves on Instagram:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Seen just now on Threads:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

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Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

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Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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