Funny please jokes show that saying “please” doesn’t always make life polite—it can make it ridiculously funny 😂🙏. From begging for snacks like your life depends on it to asking for favors in over-the-top dramatic ways 😆🍕, a simple “please” can turn ordinary situations into comedy gold. If you’ve ever tried to be extra polite and ended up looking ridiculous, you already know how hilarious manners can be 🤣✨.
New funny please jokes
- Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time.
- Dear wallet, please get pregnant.
- Please hesitate to reach out.
- Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.
- No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.
- Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.
- I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”
- Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.
- Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.
- I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.
Top funny please jokes
- Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.
- May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?
- If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.
- Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.
- Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’
- I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.
- If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.
- Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”
- Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!
- Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.
Popular funny please jokes
- I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.
- I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.
- Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.
- Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.
- Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?
- Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.
- Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.
- If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.
- It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.
- Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.
More funny please jokes
- If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.
- When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.
- I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
- Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.
- Please twerk; I have just days left.
- Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.
- Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.
- I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.
- At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.
- How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.
Witty please jokes
- I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.
- Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.
- I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.
- God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.
- I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.
- Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.
- If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.
- Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.
- Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.
- Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.
Funny please jokes remind us that even the simplest words can create unforgettable laughs 🎭😅. Whether you’re pleading, negotiating, or just overdoing it for fun, the humor is endless 😆💫. Share the jokes, enjoy the exaggerated politeness, and remember: sometimes a little “please” goes a long way—especially when it’s funny 🤣💛.