50+ Funny Request Jokes That Make Asking a Laugh

New funny request jokes

• Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

• Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

• May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

• If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

• I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

• I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

• Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

• Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

• Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

• Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Top funny request jokes

• Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

• Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

• Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

• Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

• A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

• Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

• I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

• Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

• If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

• Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Popular funny request jokes

• I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

• You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

• Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

• If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

• Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

• Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

• Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

• Dear Santa, Money!

• For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

• Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

More funny request jokes

• Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

• Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

• Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

• Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

• Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

• Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

• Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

• The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

• Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

• Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Witty request jokes

• Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

• To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

• Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

• Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

• I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

• Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

• Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

• I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

• Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

• Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.