“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.