If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

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When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

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Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

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76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

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There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

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Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

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If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

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Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.