Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.
  • You are the Monday of my life.
  • How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?
  • There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.
  • Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.
  • I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.