I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

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People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

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The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

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This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

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Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

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My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

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Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

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The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

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My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

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Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

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If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.