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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

770 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,932

Funny Quotes Topics

13,903

Funny Quotes Images

10,932

Updated

23 minutes ago

Users Online

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Going viral on Twitch:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Live now on X:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.
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Commentary:
When "so we done?" is your relationship's reset button 🤣🔄❤️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

770 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,932

Funny Quotes Topics

13,903

Funny Quotes Images

10,932

Updated

23 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Going viral on Threads:

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

Shared recently on X:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Making waves on WeChat:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Just shared via X:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Spotted on Reddit:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Live now on YouTube:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Spotted on Instagram:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

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