I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

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It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

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That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

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Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

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Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

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Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

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Coffee is just goth water.

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I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

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In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

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Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

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Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.