Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Just shared via Instagram:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Breaking via WeChat:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Just landed via Facebook:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Trending via Snapchat:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Making waves on Slack:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Just shared via Messenger:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Shared recently on Slack:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs an apple when you can have a garlic? 😂 Just make sure to keep the vampires at bay too! 🧛‍♂️ #ForgetTheAppleADay"

away, daily, daily routine, day, doctor, food, garlic, health, humor, routine, wellness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, cha, cha cha cha, creativity, explaining, expression, fun, humor, nobody, sentence, want, yourself
Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

0

2 months ago

boob, boobs, dark, date, flirt, glow, humor, joke, me, ping
Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

0

4 months ago

again, am, amazing, free, going, growth, humor, i, interview, invitation, job, job interview, literally, motivation, nervous, nervousness, never, personal, personal growth, public, public speaking, self-confidence, self-praise, speaking, talk
I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

0

2 months ago

health, hearing, humor, i, irony, me, mental, mental health, psychiatrist, punchline, self-awareness, told, voices
Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

0

2 months ago

cheer, cheer up, encouragement, future, humor, irony, mistake, optimism
I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

0

2 months ago

annoyance, bar, bring, conversation, dog, everyone, gathering, humor, i, kids, mad, social

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Messenger this month:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

45 shares on X this month:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

86 shares on Threads this month:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

10 shares on X this month:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Worst feeling is playing a game and having nobody to talk to about it.

79 shares on Discord this month:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Making waves on Instagram:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Just landed via Reddit:

I love it when God gives me money.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Just shared via Instagram:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Just landed via Facebook:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Going bananas on Messenger:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Just landed via Instagram:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨