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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,337

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Making waves on X:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Trending via Threads:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Going viral on Facebook:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

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Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.
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Commentary:
🤷‍♂️ When "ew no" meets the professional world, things can get a little tricky! 🙈 Apparently, not all bosses speak the language of "ew no" fluently. Time to brush up on those communication skills, or just stick to the good ol' eye roll and heavy sigh combo. 😉 #ProfessionalCommunicationFail

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

10 shares on Threads this month:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

60 shares on Threads this month:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

82 shares on TikTok this month:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

I think my type is a nice person.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

This alien invasion could have been an email.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,390

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Spotted on Instagram:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Just landed via X:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Freshly posted on X:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Spotted on X:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Just landed via YouTube:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Just landed via Reddit:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

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