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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,510

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Going viral on Discord:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Making waves on Instagram:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Shared recently on WeChat:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Trending via Threads:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Just shared via Slack:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Going viral on Discord:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Playful quote about avoiding work by blowing kisses to coworkers today.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sending out those invisible 'Do Not Disturb' vibes like a boss 😘🤫 Who needs coffee when you have the power of awkwardly blown kisses to keep everyone at bay? #ProfessionalAvoidanceStrategy"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

21 shares on Slack this month:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Less talkie. More kissie.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,738

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Going viral on Instagram:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Shared recently on Discord:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Going viral on TikTok:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

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