Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

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When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

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Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

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Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

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Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

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Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

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Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

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The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

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Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

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I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

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Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.