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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2270 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,432

Funny Quotes Topics

15,133

Funny Quotes Images

12,432

2 minutes ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Shared recently on X:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Spotted on YouTube:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Breaking via Messenger:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Trending via Discord:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Going viral on Facebook:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

6 months ago

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal dilemma of election night – stay up late for the political thriller or hit the hay and let Democracy Claus surprise you in the morning! 🎅🗳️✨ Who needs a bedtime story when you have the suspense of democracy at work? Sleep tight, dream of ballots, and wake up to unwrap your civic gifts!"

anticipation, bed, claus, democracy, left, morning, results, wait, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2270 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,432

Funny Quotes Topics

15,133

Funny Quotes Images

12,432

2 minutes ago

3,456

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Trending via X:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Shared recently on X:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Trending via Discord:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Live now on X:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Just landed via Messenger:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

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