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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,387

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Live now on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Going viral on Slack:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Trending via Facebook:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Going viral on Messenger:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Spotted on Threads:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

2 months ago

0

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal dilemma of election night – stay up late for the political thriller or hit the hay and let Democracy Claus surprise you in the morning! 🎅🗳️✨ Who needs a bedtime story when you have the suspense of democracy at work? Sleep tight, dream of ballots, and wake up to unwrap your civic gifts!"

anticipation, bed, claus, democracy, left, morning, results, wait, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

0

2 months ago

apologize, humor, i, issues, me, negativity, new, new year, past, relationships, resolution, start, year
Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

0

5 months ago

dude, got, MacBook, place, places, public, public place, sudden, work
Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

0

2 months ago

amy, Amy Winehouse, denial, fun, good, humor, morning, rehab, winehouse
My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

0

4 months ago

boss, doing, dude, home, humor, just, office, people, pretending, remote, remote work, think, work, work from home, working, workplace, workplace humor
I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

0

2 months ago

eat, exam, humor, i, means, paper, pass, pretty, school, soon, student, test
Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

0

2 months ago

back, coming, comparison, dysfunctional, dysfunctional family, family, humor, media, return, returning, social, social media, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

48 shares on X this month:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

86 shares on Threads this month:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,239

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Spotted on YouTube:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Seen just now on Facebook:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Going viral on Instagram:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Broadcasted on X:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Live now on X:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Making waves on TikTok:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

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