57 Funny couch quotes

• I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

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  6 days ago

  casualwear, couch, dilemma, eve, fashion, fashion dilemma, figure, going, holiday, humor, i, need, new, New Year’s Eve, outfit, procrastination, relaxation, wear, year’s

• My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

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  6 days ago

  couch, cushion, humor, keeping, laziness, relaxation, superpower, warm

• I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

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  7 days ago

  boredom, couch, dressed, getting, getting ready, hate, i, idiot, impatience, overprepared, ready, sit, too, wait, waiting

• Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

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  1 week ago

  argument, ask, contradiction, couch, girl, girls, help, humor, jar, open, relationship, strength, throw

• I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

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  1 week ago

  blanket, call, couch, dream, friend, friends, human, human blanket, i, lifelong, lifelong dream, nap, napping, still

• Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

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  1 week ago

  ask, awkward, blocked, comedy, couch, courage, humor, i, imagine, me, playful, quirky, rejection, relationship, under, unexpected, why

• Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

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  1 week ago

  50s, age, age joke, aging, asleep, couch, fall, humor, joke, moment, relaxation, retirement, sitting, sleep, welcome

• We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

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  1 week ago

  blanket, comfort, couch, cozy, family, humor, indoor, laziness, matter, person, using, weather

• I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

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  1 week ago

  adult, adult life, adults, couch, couch potato, humor, humor quote, i, ignore, ignoring, ignoring problems, laziness, life, phone, phone usage, play, potato, problems, procrastination, run, sit, usage

• “You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

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  1 week ago

  athlete, attempt, begin, comedy, couch, fitness, humor, i, laziness, motivation, myself, procrastination, self-motivation, third, whisper

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