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153 Funny expectations quotes

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Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.
Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.
I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.
To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.
“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

More funny expectations quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Commentary:
"Sorry, no camera crew, balloons, or big check? 📷🎈💰 Please let the doorbell rest – it's been through enough drama already! 🚪😄 #NoCheckNoPeek"
5 months ago
Share →: Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Commentary:
"Life isn't a fairy tale, folks! 🧚‍♀️👠 Unless you find yourself at a party losing your shoe at midnight – then it's safe to say you've had one too many fairy tale cocktails! 🍸🌙 Just call yourself Cinderella and stumble back home!"
5 months ago
Share →: My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Commentary:
"Looks like your dog is really leading the way in setting high standards for welcome home parties! 🐶🏆 Maybe take some notes from your fluffy life coach and step up your greeting game! 😄👏"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Commentary:
"Who needs a Valentine when you make Groundhog's Day look like a breeze! 😄 Stay single, stay fabulous! 💁‍♀️🦔"
5 months ago
Share →: You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Commentary:
"Remember, you can't please everyone! You're not a jar of Nutella spreading joy everywhere 🌰🍫😄 Embrace your unique flavor and let those who appreciate you savor every bit! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

Commentary:
"Who needs success when you can rock sweatpants and messy hair? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe it's time success started dressing up for us for a change! 💼👔 #RelationshipGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Commentary:
"Ah, the great mystery of men… It's like playing a game of charades where you have to shout out the answer before they even make a move! 🤷‍♀️💡 But hey, who needs surprises when you've got clear communication, am I right ladies? 😂💁‍♀️"
5 months ago
Share →: The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Commentary:
"Looks like disappointment can always count on you to show up right on schedule! ⏰😂 Maybe it's time to start making some positive appointments instead! 😉 #StayPositive"
5 months ago
Share →: I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Commentary:
"Congratulations on landing the job! Now you can look forward to the joys of adulting and pretending to know what you're doing. Good luck, and may the coffee be strong and the meetings short! ☕️💼😅"
5 months ago
Share →: Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the fine print of marriage: 'Ears not included.' 🤣 Who knew you had to pay extra for listening skills? 👂💸 #MarriageSurprises"