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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

793 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,955

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,955

Updated

12 minutes ago

Users Online

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Going viral on WeChat:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Breaking via Telegram:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Trending via Threads:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Making waves on X:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Just shared via Discord:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I’m bored, but not read a book for fun bored.

Making waves on TikTok:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

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Funny filibustering quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

793 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,955

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,955

Updated

12 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Making waves on Facebook:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Just landed via Messenger:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

No more relationships for me; the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Just shared via Telegram:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Trending via Telegram:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Trending via TikTok:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

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