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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

4,029

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Live now on Telegram:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Going viral on TikTok:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Going viral on Slack:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Shared recently on WeChat:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Shared recently on TikTok:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Going viral on X:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Home » Funny Joke Quotes

1558 Funny joke quotes

Funny joke quotes are a quick and easy way to brighten your day with a punchline! 😄🎭 From classic zingers to clever twists, these quotes deliver laughs in bite-sized doses. Perfect for sharing, snickering, or simply surviving Monday. 😂🗯️📅

New funny joke quotes 👇

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

0

2 days ago

16, Christmas, guess, here, humor, i, joke, jokes, mall, me, parent, parents, real, right, Santa, teenager, told
How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

0

1 week ago

fitness, humor, joke, keep, longer, much, Pilates, pretend, pretending, sex, thing
Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

0

1 week ago

again, Christmas, fat, getting, gift, guess, holiday, humor, joke, repetition, same, self-deprecation, thing
Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

0

1 week ago

after, AI, AI bubble, back, bubble, disappeared, dot-com, dot-com bubble, humor, internet, joke, just, normal, pop, sarcasm, technology, wait
“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

0

1 week ago

bacteria, biology, complex, complexity, diversity, gut, gut microbiome, health, humor, joke, just, mad, microbiology, microbiome, science, science joke, yours
That urge to nap between 3 p.m. – 5 p.m. is no joke.

0

1 week ago

3, 5, afternoon, joke, nap, time, urge
Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

0

1 week ago

access, bad, bad music, driver, drivers, ever, humor, joke, music, music taste, ride, ride share, secret, service, share, streaming, streaming service, taste, Uber, Uber driver, worst
Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

0

1 week ago

boss, boss-in-law, humor, joke, relationship, wife, wordplay, workplace
Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

0

1 week ago

always, anywhere, around, driving, guys, humor, joke, mad, Mad Max, max, post-apocalyptic, travel, why
Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

0

1 week ago

dating, easily, humor, i, joke, meet, meet up, men, plan, relationship, sacrifice, too, want, warning

For even more funny joke quotes, hit next 👇

All funny joke quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

23 shares on Slack this month:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

10 shares on Threads this month:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

15 shares on X this month:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

ROMO (relief of missing out)

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,609

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Shared recently on X:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Seen just now on WeChat:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Going viral on Twitch:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Spotted on X:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Making waves on Reddit:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Just landed via X:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

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