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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 15652 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,814 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 29, 2026

 

 

 

 

1622 Funny joke quotes

Funny joke quotes are a quick and easy way to brighten your day with a punchline! 😄🎭 From classic zingers to clever twists, these quotes deliver laughs in bite-sized doses. Perfect for sharing, snickering, or simply surviving Monday. 😂🗯️📅

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Posted onMay 29, 2026

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

If you are into coding, pivot to hunting and gathering.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Long story short, I survived.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Posted onMay 29, 2026

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