Commentary:
Dick van Dyke rolled a pun while Pussy van Faggot was benched for foul play ⚽😹
1653 Funny joke quotes
They stop asking for your ID once the light in your eyes is gone.
Commentary:
Guess it's time to bring back the sparkle or start carrying a disco ball ✨🪩😄
Honestly, I thought adulthood would be way more sex, and way less knee pain.
Commentary:
Adulthood: where romantic nights become ice pack and Advil parties! 💃🕺💊🧊
Scientists don’t want you to know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because, if you actually meet a scientist, they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know.
Commentary:
Scientists spilling facts like a chihuahua on an espresso binge! 🐶☕🔬
They should let you smoke in the airport if your flight is Air France.
Commentary:
Air France: the only airline where turbulence is the second most stressful part of the trip! ✈️💨😂
Date someone who asks if you have eaten today. Extra points if they ask if you need to be eaten.
Commentary:
Always nice to find someone who cares about both your appetite and your appetite for adventure! 🍽️😂
Just got hospitalized for being cringe. They put me in the awk ward.
Commentary:
Hope the food there isn't too punny! 🤪🏥
The sensor at urinals scans your penis and sells it to Palantir.
Commentary:
Just when you thought only Santa was watching…😳🎅 Now the urinals are in on the action! 🕵️♂️🚽
Going outside costs $100 these days.
Commentary:
Why go outside when you can explore the wilderness of your living room for free? 🏞️💸😄
I saw someone say, “No spoilers for The Odyssey.” Brother, you’ve had 3,000 years to read the book.
Commentary:
Odysseus himself got home faster than you’ve read it! 📖⏳