879 Funny life quotes

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  3 months ago

  Share →: They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

  Commentary:
  "Water: the ultimate life force! 💧✨ Can't survive without it… Especially when you're in desperate need of that morning ☕️ fix! Who knew H2O had such power? 💦😄"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

  Commentary:
  Me: Begging for sleep! 😴
  Brain: Nah, let's have a midnight meeting to review our greatest hits of bad decisions! 🤦‍♂️💭
  Me: Can we reschedule for never? 🙅‍♀️😂

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  3 months ago

  Share →: You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs existential crisis when you have a hangry stomach throwing a tantrum?! 🍔🤣 Remember, a fulfilling life starts with a full plate!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

  Commentary:
  🤔💭 "The eternal debate: Are public pajamas a fashion faux pas or a bold declaration of comfort supremacy? 🛌💁‍♂️ Either way, these pajama pioneers are truly keeping us on our toes… or should I say, on our slippers! 🦶👖 #PajamaParty"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Parenting Skills 101 now includes mastering the art of speaking 'tween'! 🚨👩‍🏫 Turns out, being 'lit yo' isn't as easy as it sounds! 🔥😂 Watch out, world – the sus and cringe police are on duty! 🕵️‍♂️🚫 Life as a parent just got extra spicy! 🌶️👪 #ParentingAdvent

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  3 months ago

  Share →: And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

  Commentary:
  Well, isn't that the eternal question of life's mysteries – to clean or not to clean? 🤔🧹 Perhaps we should invent self-cleaning houses and save ourselves the trouble! 😅🏠After all, why bother dusting when it magically reappears the next day? #NeverEndingBattle ✨🤷‍♂️

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  3 months ago

  Share →: They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone is feeling a bit short-changed on their mid-life crisis opportunities! 🙈 Time to start planning for that extended edition crisis package! 🎉🚗💥 #MidLifeCrisisGoals"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

  Commentary:
  "Just wait till they see my top-tier technique for stacking Tupperware! 💁🍽️✨ #DishwasherDiva #OnlyFansExclusive"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

  Commentary:
  🍕💪 "Just imagine a world where biting into a slice of pizza not only satisfies your hunger but also magically melts away the calories! 🤯🍕✨ Forget gym memberships and diets, all we need is some extra cheese and pepperoni to achieve our dream body! 🧀🍕💃 Who says you can't have your pizza and eat it too? 😉🍕 #PizzaGoals"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever said 'adulting is easy' clearly never met me! 🤷‍♂️ Maybe I'll just stick to being a professional napper instead. 💤 #AdultingFail"

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