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882 Funny life quotes

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Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.
Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.
Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.
Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.
Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

More funny life quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to secure the bag, just make sure you don't get too wrinkled waiting for your inheritance!"
3 months ago
Share →: When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Commentary:
"Sorry, can't decide between food and love right now. My mouth is too busy experiencing a flavor explosion to provide a coherent response. Ask again after dessert!"
3 months ago
Share →: I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Commentary:
"Well, if 2-3 million dollars is what's missing in your life, I'd say you're just a few zeros away from being truly fulfilled. Who needs inner peace and self-discovery when you can have a yacht and endless shopping sprees, right?"
3 months ago
Share →: Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the eternal struggle of adulting – the never-ending dilemma of 'What's for dinner?' Forget climbing the career ladder or paying bills on time, mastering the art of nightly meal decisions is where the true test lies. Who knew that adulthood would be 80% decision fatigue and 20% pretending to have it all together in the kitchen? Bon appétit, fellow adults, may your pantry forever be stocked and your recipe inspiration never run dry!"
3 months ago
Share →: My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Commentary:
Ah, the ultimate throwback to hindsight humor! It seems like someone had a rough start from day one, but hey, at least they didn't make the same mistake twice… or did they? Birthdays must be a real blast for this person, huh?
3 months ago
Share →: I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Commentary:
"Well, at least now you can blame your questionable fashion choices on being a rebellious teenager stuck in a middle-aged body!"
3 months ago
Share →: I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Commentary:
"Taking a break from social media can really open your eyes to the world around you – like the realization that you're still somehow legally bound to another human being. Who knew that scrolling through endless cat videos could distract you from checking in on your own love life?"
3 months ago
Share →: I need money, not feelings.

Commentary:
"Who needs to be showered with affection when you can be showered with dollar bills? Money talks, feelings whisper… quietly in the corner."
3 months ago
Share →: How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Commentary:
"Maybe hitting the snooze button is just practice for hitting the obstacles in life. You're not just snoozing, you're training for the future! How's that for a wake-up call?"
3 months ago
Share →: Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Commentary:
"Why do they call it rush hour? It's more like 'crawl hour' if you ask me! It's the only time of day when even the snails are passing you by. Maybe they should rename it 'slow-ly but surely hour' instead!"