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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2066 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,228

Funny Quotes Topics

14,972

Funny Quotes Images

12,228

2 minutes ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Going viral on Messenger:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Live now on Telegram:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Just shared via Messenger:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Trending via X:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Seen just now on Reddit:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Breaking via Facebook:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Home » Funny Membership Quotes

Funny membership quotes

Funny membership quotes bring a burst of laughter to clubs, teams, and fan groups everywhere 😂🎉 Whether you’re joining a new crew or celebrating your favorite squad, these witty lines keep the vibe light and the smiles wide 😄✨ Perfect for breaking the ice or adding some humor to your membership perks—get ready to giggle and bond with fellow members! 🤝🎈

New funny membership quotes 👇

1 month ago
Share →: FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Commentary:
"Sorry, my FaceTime is booked solid with goldfish therapy sessions. 🐠💼💎"
6 months ago
Share →: I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic midlife crisis conundrum: gym membership and protein shakes vs. Snickers for breakfast in bed 🍫💪 Talk about tough life choices! Looks like the Snickers won the battle this time. Who needs abs when you've got chocolate, right? 🤷‍♂️ #MidlifeCrisisGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Commentary:
"Running: the ultimate dodgeball game with gym memberships! 🏃‍♂️💨💸 Don't break a sweat, just outrun your bills! 💸😅"

For even more funny membership quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny membership quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2066 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,228

Funny Quotes Topics

14,972

Funny Quotes Images

12,228

2 minutes ago

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Just landed via WeChat:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Trending via Messenger:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Live now on WeChat:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

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