I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.