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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has shared:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has viewed:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has copied:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said β€œHey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me, β€œWhat did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has copied:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has shared:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Making waves on YouTube:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Making waves on X:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Breaking via YouTube:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Going viral on X:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Breaking via YouTube:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Funny paramedic quotes

Funny paramedic quotes πŸš‘πŸ’‰ bring a dose of laughter to the high-stress world of emergency care! From hilarious mishaps to witty one-liners, these gems capture the lighter side of saving lives. Whether you’re a frontline hero or just love a good laugh, get ready to smile and appreciate the humor behind the adrenaline rush! πŸ˜‚πŸ”₯ #ParamedicLife #EmergencyLaughs

New funny paramedic quotes πŸ‘‡

All funny paramedic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes πŸ‘Œ

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

66 shares on Threads this month:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

30 shares on X this month:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

38 shares on Threads this month:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

19 shares on Discord this month:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My favorite animal is me when my feelings are hurt.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,438

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¨ has bookmarked:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has shared:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has viewed:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has copied:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has copied:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has shared:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has copied:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Telegram:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Making waves on Discord:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Just landed via Snapchat:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that β€œwell, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Just shared via WeChat:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Trending via Slack:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

β€œNothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

Going viral on Threads:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Spotted on Slack:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

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