Funny quotes performance

23 Funny performance quotes

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

2 weeks ago

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

2 months ago

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

2 months ago

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

3 months ago

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

3 months ago

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

3 months ago

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

3 months ago

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

3 months ago

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

3 months ago

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

3 months ago

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

3 months ago

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

3 months ago

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

3 months ago

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

3 months ago

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

3 months ago

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

3 months ago

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

3 months ago

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

3 months ago

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

3 months ago

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

3 months ago