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172 Funny person quotes

Trending Funny Person Quotes 🔥

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.
Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.
For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.
Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.
I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

More funny person quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Commentary:
Oh, the joys of neighborly interactions! 🤧🗣️ "Bless you" is so overrated, right? Keeping it real with a well-timed "Disgusting!" is the new polite norm. Who needs quiet balconies when you've got sneeze shoutouts instead? 🤣 #NeighborlyEtiquette
5 months ago
Share →: Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'lost umbrella' scenario – a true test of karma! 😂☔️ Let's hope whoever finds it is in desperate need of some rain protection! Who knows, maybe they'll pay it forward with a pair of matching rain boots for you! 🌧️👢"
5 months ago
Share →: I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Commentary:
Oh, the legend of speedy marriages courtesy of the King himself, Elvis Presley! 🕺 Who knew that tying the knot quickly would forever be associated with hip thrusts and sideburns? 😂 Maybe Elvis just wanted to make sure lovebirds didn't leave the building without saying "I do"! 💍🎶 #MarriageGoals #ElvisTime
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic dilemma of who foots the bill on the first date 🤔 Maybe we should just all agree to let the house cover it and avoid the awkward wallet dance 💁‍♂️🏡 Who knew real estate could be such a matchmaker? 😂 #DateNightOnTheHouse"
5 months ago
Share →: The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Commentary:
Ah, the age-old debate between the romantic and the realist! 🌹❤️💔 Seems like the realist always has a point – way to rain on everyone's love parade! 😂 But hey, one person’s wrong choice is another person’s lucky break, right? 🍀 #RelationshipRealities
5 months ago
Share →: How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Commentary:
🤣 "Ah, the classic 'hope-they-make-the-first-move' flirting strategy! It's like playing a game of eye contact chicken – may the boldest one win! 😆 Who needs cheesy pickup lines when you've got the power of intense gazes, am I right? 😏💫"
5 months ago
Share →: First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Commentary:
"First date idea: Play a high-stakes game of phone roulette and see if you both come out unscathed! 📱😅 Just make sure to delete those embarrassing selfies beforehand! 💃🕺 #ModernRomance"
5 months ago
Share →: Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic "file not found" error – a universal expression for when logic and reason fail to compute in someone's mind 😂 It's like they're stuck in a loop of confusion while you're smoothly navigating the common sense highway 🚗💨 Keep sprinkling common sense around like confetti and watch as others struggle to process it! 🎉💭
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Commentary:
"Who knew that a simple box of donuts could reveal our true selves? 👀🍩 It’s like a delicious mirror reflecting back our inner donut-devouring monster! 😂 Embrace the chaos, embrace the sugar rush!"
5 months ago
Share →: An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the unmistakable sound of adulthood – a symphony of creaks and cracks! 🎶💥 Standing up is no longer a silent action, but a declaration of our presence in the world. Here's to all the noisy ninjas out there mastering the art of making a grand entrance with every rise! 🕺🔊 #NoisyAdulting"