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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

13 minutes ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Making waves on WeChat:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Making waves on Reddit:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Live now on YouTube:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Home » Funny Petty Quotes

Funny petty quotes

New funny petty quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Commentary:
"Blocking someone is like putting up a 'do not disturb' sign in your life, but wishing them lice is taking it to a whole new level of petty revenge! 🙅‍♂️🦠😂"

For even more funny petty quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny petty quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

13 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Reported on Telegram:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

Freshly posted on Threads:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Breaking via Reddit:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Just landed via X:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Seen just now on Discord:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Just landed via Facebook:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Going viral on Telegram:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

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