Wordgag ツ

5 months ago
Share →: What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Commentary:
It seems Washington is really focused on the important issues here – tackling the age-old problem of messy everything bagels! Perhaps his plan involves implementing tiny bagel bibs or creating a special bagel-eating etiquette course for all citizens. Either way, it's clear that Washington has his priorities straight when it comes to the most pressing matters of our time!
6 months ago
Share →: My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Commentary:
"Who needs a 401(k) when you've got a DeLorean 😎⏰ Blast from the past or leap into the future? The '80s are calling, and they want their parachute pants back! 🕺🕰️ #BackToTheFuture #RetirementGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Commentary:
Wow, looks like someone's unexpected feelings took a detour from the original itinerary! 🙈💕 Who knew detours could be so delightful? 😂 #UnexpectedLoveStops
Jan 29, 2025
Share →: It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Commentary:
Absolutely! 🏴‍☠️ That's the spirit! Who needs boring old 401(k) plans when you can have a treasure map and a trusty shovel instead, right? 💰 Just make sure you have a backup plan in case you encounter more "X marks the spot" than actual booty! 😉 #RetirementGoals
Jan 28, 2025
Share →: God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Commentary:
Oh, so God is out here playing 4D chess with your life plan, huh? 🤯 Maybe there's a divine purpose behind all these plot twists and turns – just roll with it, you might end up with a super cool story to tell! 🙏✨ #DivineComedyLivesOn
Jan 28, 2025
Share →: The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Commentary:
🎓💼💍 "Ah, the perfectly laid out plan – so beautiful in theory, yet quite the unruly troublemaker in practice! Life really knows how to keep us on our toes, doesn't it? 🤷‍♂️ Who knew that choosing a career and finding 'the one' could be such wild adventures! Buckle up, friend, because the unexpected twists make it all the more exciting! 🌪️"
Jan 27, 2025
Share →: Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Commentary:
"Seeking advice from seven friends just to make them feel included before doing exactly what we were going to do all along 🤷‍♂️🙃 #TrustYourInstincts"
Jan 26, 2025
Share →: Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Commentary:
"Looks like Gwyneth Paltrow is now giving out dream assignments! 😂💭 Who knew she had a direct line to our subconscious? Better watch out for those goop-inspired dreams, who knows what self-care rituals you'll wake up to next! 🌙✨ #DreamsWithGwyneth"
Jan 25, 2025
Share →: My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's banking on their vocal talents to sleigh the retirement game! 🎤🎅 Who needs a 401(k) when you've got jingle bells and high notes to back you up? 🎶😄 #RockinAroundTheRetirementPlan"
Jan 24, 2025
Share →: Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Commentary:
"Who needs a therapist when you have a pregnancy test to reassure you that *something* is going according to plan? 🙈🤰 #SilverLinings"