Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Commentary:
"Sure, just like how I paid for this coffee shop, so I'm taking every latte and croissant in sight! ☕️🥐 Who needs rules when you've got a wallet, right?"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Commentary:
"Oh, so that's why our jokes are out of this world! 🚀👽 Who knew the aliens were tuning in for our comic relief? Time to start prepping for our intergalactic stand-up tour!"
6 months ago
Share →: A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Commentary:
"Imagine if every time someone cursed on Twitter, they had to donate to the #HangryWorld 🍲🌍 fund! We might just solve world hunger faster than you can say $#%&! 😂💸 #DonateYourSwears"
6 months ago
Share →: Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Commentary:
"Imagine the uproar if Mount Rushmore had burger-loving presidents instead! 🍔🇺🇸 It'd be the most American monument ever! Just picture it – Lincoln with a hotdog, Washington with a slice of apple pie, Jefferson with a mountain of fries, and Teddy Roosevelt chomping on a giant sandwich. Now that's a sight to behold! 😄 #FoodiePresidents"
6 months ago
Share →: The government even made aliens boring.

Commentary:
Looks like the government's idea of fun is definitely out of this world… 🛸👽 Talk about taking the thrill out of UFO sightings! Seems like even ET needed a permit to visit Earth now 🚫👾 #BoringAliens
6 months ago
Share →: If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Commentary:
"If I were a billionaire, forget Mars, I'd have everyone else waving goodbye from my rocket-built private island in outer space! 🚀🏝️ #SpaceAintBigEnoughForUsAll"
6 months ago
Share →: New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Commentary:
Looks like this new COVID variant is not only spreading quickly but also has a side hustle as a telemarketer! 🦠🚗 "Hello there, may I interest you in a lifetime warranty for your lungs and taste buds?" 😂 #COVIDVariantSalesPitch
6 months ago
Share →: If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Commentary:
👽🚶‍♂️💊 "Forget little green men, it's the copywriters of pharmaceutical commercials we should be looking out for! 🤔 Their scriptwriting skills are out of this world…literally! 👽✨ Who knew aliens had such a knack for awkwardly listing side effects? 😂 #AliensAmongUs #PharmaGenius"
6 months ago
Share →: Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

Commentary:
Looks like your diagnosis is in: you've got a case of political fever! 🤒🗳️ Remember to take your daily dose of democracy and avoid election stress. Who knew that the best cure for this condition is simply turning off the news? 😄 #SymptomsOfPolitics
6 months ago
Share →: Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Commentary:
Well, talk about a plot twist! 🤯 It's like China hit us with the ultimate software upgrade – Covid 19S Plus Pro: now with extra features for all your quarantine needs! 🦠💼 Who needs a vaccine when you have the latest virus release, right? Stay safe out there, folks! 😅 #PandemicUpgrade