25 Funny swear quotes

• I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

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  2 weeks ago

  different, distraction, every, holiday, humor, i, observation, phone, swear, technology, time

• I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

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  4 weeks ago

  6, 6 p.m., air, around, call, energy, feel, funny observation, i, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, observation, p.m., remote, remote work, Sunday, swear, Teams, video, video call, work, work meeting

• I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

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  2 months ago

  anything, away, bad, bad behavior, behavior, child, child behavior, got, hilarious, humor, i, know, parenting, right, shut, swear, swear word, swearing, swearing toddler, toddler, word

• Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

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  2 months ago

  assembly, even, frustration, furniture, humor, kid, kids, learn, parenting, piece, putting, swear, swear word, today, together, word, words

• I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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  2 months ago

  code, communication, frustration, humor, i, insomnia, learned, me, morse, Morse code, myself, rain, sleep, swear, swear word, telling, word

• Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

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  2 months ago

  broke, delivery, fashion, here, humor, online, online shopping, Shein, shopping, spending, sudden, swear, women

• If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

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  2 months ago

  back, coming, exaggeration, humor, i, joke, missing, poster, prank, put, sarcasm, swear, weight

• Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

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  2 months ago

  humor, i, looking, lose, mind, next, next time, not looking, search, swear, time

• I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

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  2 months ago

  brain, drive, forget, humor, i, swear, swear word, word, words

• Sailors wish they could swear like me.

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  2 months ago

  humor, language, me, profanity, sailor, swear, wish, wit

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