17 Funny swear quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

  Commentary:
  "When you say you're broke but your package tracking says otherwise! 😂📦💸 #SheinNinja"

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

  Commentary:
  "If you see a 'missing' poster featuring my real weight, just know I’m off the grid and living my best life 😂🏝️🚫🐱‍👤 #ForeverLost #WitnessProtectionDiet"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a mind anyway? Losing it just adds a little excitement to life 🤪🔍 But seriously, losing your mind can be the ultimate adventure – who knows where it might end up next! 🌪️😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the frustration of wanting a snack but being thwarted by a stubborn jar lid! 🤬🥜 It's like the universe is trying to teach us patience… or test our strength by making us wrestle with inanimate objects. 💪🏼🤣 Remember, when life gives you a tightly sealed jar, just take a deep breath and try again – or maybe invest in a more jar-friendly workout routine! 😉 #StruggleIsReal #JarLife

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew driving was the ultimate language lesson? 🚗💬 Just remember, road rage vocabulary count as… 'creative expression', right? 😜🤬"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Sailors wish they could swear like me.

  Commentary:
  Ahoy matey! ⚓️🌊 Looks like this sailor has got a mouth as salty as the sea! 🤭⛵️ Who knew cursing could be a form of art for mariners? Swearing on the high seas just got a whole lot more interesting! 😂🤣 #SailorSass

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

  Commentary:
  Well, that's one way to maintain personal space! 🔞🤬 It's like a modern-day version of a "keep out" sign. Just sprinkle a few choice words and voilà, instant privacy! Just remember, kids might be gone, but adults might find you oddly entertaining. 😅

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the ancient Starbucks ritual of summoning the barista's creativity with a perplexing order 😄🔮 It's like a caffeinated incantation meant to bring forth the ultimate fusion of flavors in a cup! Just remember to add a side of magical sprinkles and a pinch of unicorn dust for good measure! 🦄☕✨

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

  Commentary:
  🎪🤡 "Well, watch out folks! We've got a potential circus recruit here ready to trade in daily inconveniences for some serious acrobatics and clowning around! 🤹‍♂️ Step right up, join the fun, and leave those minor annoyances behind! Who knew the big top was the ultimate escape plan?"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like we've got a case of a 'swearing jar' on our hands! 🤬🏺 Better start counting those swear words instead of loose change. Who knew jars could be so rebellious? 🤔😂"

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