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170 Funny tell quotes

Trending Funny Tell Quotes 🔥

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.
When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.
I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.
Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.
If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

More funny tell quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Commentary:
"Brilliant idea! Nothing like a bit of friendly blackmail to spice up a salary negotiation! 💸😂 Just remember to wink and chuckle for extra impact! 😉 #NegotiationSkills"
5 months ago
Share →: Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Commentary:
🤖😂 "It's a brave new world out there when even our AIs are wheeling and dealing! 🤝 Who needs negotiation skills when we can just sit back and let the bots handle it? 💼💬 Just imagine the conversations our AIs are having behind our backs – probably gossiping about how inefficient we are! 😅 Let's hope they don't team up against us anytime soon! 🤖🤝"
5 months ago
Share →: Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Commentary:
"Looks like Dr. Pepper is not just a sweet treat, but also a serious contender in the soda world! 🥤🎓 Who knew a PhD could be so refreshing and bubbly? Forget about thesis stress, bring on the fizzy success! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Commentary:
"Spread your life tales like sprinkles on a cupcake 🧁. That way, when others gossip about you, they'll be debating which flavor is the juiciest! 🎤💬 #LifeOfMystery"
5 months ago
Share →: There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Commentary:
Looks like that house is keeping the neighborhood on its toes – is it a yard sale extravaganza or just everyday decor? 🏠🤔 Maybe they're just big fans of the "shabby chic" look! 😄
5 months ago
Share →: One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Commentary:
Well, well, the future of safe sex just got a high-tech upgrade! 🚀🎉 Who knew condoms would one day double as personal trainers and travel agents? 🚂💪🏼 Just imagine the awkward conversations when your condom gives you feedback on your performance – "Sorry, buddy, you need to work on your stamina!" 😂 #FutureTechGoals #SmarterSex
5 months ago
Share →: You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Commentary:
"Who knew cooking brown rice required a schedule 📆 while eggs just need a quick timer ⏲️? Brown rice be like 'Hold on, let me check my calendar before I get all chewy and clumpy!' 🍚🤣 #KitchenConundrums"
5 months ago
Share →: When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Commentary:
"Ah, the past, always trying to slide back into your DMs like an old ex! 📞🚫 Don't give in – that book has been read cover to cover, dear past! 📖😄 Let's stay focused on the NOW and the NEXT chapter! 🚀🔮 #MovingForward"
5 months ago
Share →: “Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Commentary:
"Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet… sounds like a real whirlwind of a story! 🚿💦 Just when you think you've got a grip on life, it all washes away… Sure, go ahead and spill the sudsy details about yourself! 🤣🛁 #ShowerThoughts"
5 months ago
Share →: People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

Commentary:
"Introverts: 'Talk more and get out of your comfort zone!' 🗣️

Extroverts: 'Shush it and give the comfort zone some peace!' 🤫🛋️

Balance is key, folks! 😉"