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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

12 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Seen just now on Messenger:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Trending via Reddit:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

12 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Just shared via Telegram:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Spotted on X:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Reported on Snapchat:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

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