Commentary:
"Talk about a hair-raising realization! π₯₯π Who needs a coconut when you've got coconut-scented hair, am I right? π #ShampooStruggles"
181 Funny today quotes
Trending Funny Today Quotes π₯
- Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?
- If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.
- I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didnβt freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.
- I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.
- I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, βYouβre doing a good job!β I know that was meant for me.
More funny today quotes π
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Share β: Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”Commentary:
"When you realize you could be a character in someone else's simulation… Might as well request a 'working-from-home' simulation setting, right? π€πΌ #RealityCheck #SimulatedProductivity" -
Commentary:
"Breaking records like a champ… in the cholesterol game ππ Keep reaching for the stars, even if they are made of bacon! ππ₯" -
Commentary:
"Who knew a fitness tracker could be so demanding? πΎ Better step up your game or prepare for a surprise mess in your living room! π© #FitnessFails" -
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal battle between the stomach and the heart – a classic dilemma! π¬π€ It seems the candies have indeed sparked a sweet rebellion inside you. Fear not, for sometimes a little indulgence is good for the soul… even if it leads to a sugar-induced negotiation between your organs! ππ" -
Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of biweekly pay – turning paper towels into quesadillas is the ultimate budget-friendly lunch hack! π―πΈ Who needs real ingredients when you've got creativity and perseverance, am I right? π #PaperTowelCookingMaster" -
Commentary:
"Today's temperature was so sizzling, I almost auditioned for a role in 'Toasty Toasters: The Sequel' π₯π Stay cool out there, folks! βοΈ" -
Commentary:
"Brace yourselves, teenage dad status averted! π¦·πͺ Talk about tackling the baby teeth before the baby-making ones! π€£ #WinningAtParenthood" -
Commentary:
"Being a parent means making tough decisions like sacrificing your waistline for the greater good of finishing your kid's ice cream π¦π Who knew love tasted so sweet and melty! #ParentingPerks" -
Commentary:
"Today's forecast: 99% chance of solitude, with a high chance of zero interruptions π ββοΈβοΈ Embrace the serenity, folks!"
Top Funny Today Quotes π₯
- My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.
- Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”
- We are gathered here today because our ancestors didnβt have condoms.
- My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.
- My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.
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Lifeβs too short for boring quotes β thatβs why we keep adding new funny today quotes to brighten your day. βπ
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