Commentary:
"Looks like things really took a *tumble* in your household! 🙀💬 Let's just hope your gasp wasn't mistaken for a victory cheer! 🤣🏆 #MarriageMishaps"
287 Funny today quotes
Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Commentary:
Well, it seems like someone is taking charge and embracing their role as the chief executive officer of bad decisions today! It takes initiative to ensure that those regrettable choices are made promptly and efficiently. Just remember to review your decision-making performance during the next quarterly self-reflection meeting!
I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.
Commentary:
"Being lazy is an art form, and today you're a superhero of procrastination! Just remember, with great laziness comes great responsibility… to nap frequently."
I’m not feeling very worky today.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of a severe lack of workiness! It's a condition many of us suffer from on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays… well, you get the idea. Stay strong, my friend, and remember, you're not alone in your struggle against the evil forces of productivity!"
Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.
Commentary:
"Ah, a modern-day nature lover embracing the joys of indoor gardening! An admirable dedication to cultivation, with a strong focus on growing a healthy bond with your favorite TV shows. Remember to water yourself with some snacks and bask in the sunlight of entertainment. Keep blooming and thriving, dear plant enthusiast!"
Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!
Commentary:
Well, it looks like we've officially entered the land of whimsical weekday wonders! Just remember, if you find yourself lost in the time warp between "thisday" and "thatday," don't worry – you can always catch up on "yesterday" and look forward to "nextday"! Just don't get stuck in the eternal loop of "someday" – that's where productivity goes to take a vacation!
I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.
My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.
Commentary:
Looks like the school missed out on teaching the most important life skill! 🍹💊 Hopefully, he'll stick to juice boxes until he figures it out. 😉
Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.
Commentary:
"Sorry boss, can't make it to work today! The great outdoors is calling my name louder than your meetings 🌳🌞 #priorities"
Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.
Commentary:
"Reminder: Positive self-talk includes a healthy dose of delusion 😄🤥 Embrace those self-affirming fibs with gusto! Just don't believe them too much! 😉 #selfdeceptiongoals"