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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,676

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Trending via Facebook:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Spotted on Discord:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Making waves on Discord:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Going viral on Facebook:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Home » Funny Trick Quotes » Page 2

27 Funny trick quotes

More funny trick quotes 👇

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

0

2 months ago

back, back out, humor, late, people, personality, relationship, surprise, trick, weird
Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

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2 months ago

bad, bowl, candy, diet, Halloween, health, humor, salad, sweet, treat, trick, trick or treat
Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

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2 months ago

battery, call, conversation, every, excuse, hang, hang up, humor, phone, phone call, start, trick, want, whenever
If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

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2 months ago

child, energy, first child, humor, nature, parenting, second, second child, sleep, trick, unpredictability
The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

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2 months ago

card, humor, i, joke, magic, magician, me, pick, told, trick, Visa
My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

0

2 months ago

fitness, getting, goal, goal weight, half, humor, illusion, magician, me, saw, trick, weight
The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

0

2 months ago

born, mess, place, right, right place, right time, tedious, time, trick
On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

0

2 months ago

advice, bad, bad advice, bar, candy, full, full size bar, Halloween, humor, joke, last, size, supply, treat, trick, trick or treat
And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

0

2 months ago

fashion, humor, i, joke, next, sweatpants, today, transformation, trick, turn, yesterday
And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, date, first date, going, humor, joke, last, magic, next, relationship, situation, trick

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

59 shares on Discord this month:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

78 shares on WeChat this month:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Going bananas on Discord:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

Making waves on Reddit:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Making waves on Threads:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Just shared via Facebook:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Activity Log ✨

27 Funny trick quotes

More funny trick quotes 👇

All funny trick quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨