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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Blink if you want me!

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,713

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Trending via Slack:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

105 Funny writing quotes

Funny writing quotes are the perfect ☕️ for any writer’s soul, adding a dash of humor to the sometimes daunting blank page 📝. They remind us that even the greatest authors had their mishaps and laughable moments 😂. Whether you’re battling writer’s block or just need a giggle, these quips turn frowns into creative sparks 🌟. Dive into the witty world where every typo has a punchline and every draft is a delightful comedy in disguise! 🎉

New funny writing quotes 👇

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

22 minutes ago

aliens, believe, commercials, dialogue, humor, observation, pharmaceutical, satire, walk, writing
I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

27 minutes ago

bad, creativity, font, handwriting, humor, i, individuality, just, own, self-expression, writing
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

6 hours ago

author, book, creativity, humor, joke, literature, page, writing
Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

6 hours ago

humor, i, introspection, journal, keep, likes, media, self-expression, social, social media, sure, thought, thoughts, writing
Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

9 hours ago

cats, culture, Egyptians, history, humor, internet, still, today, used, walls, worship, writing
The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

12 hours ago

end, fantasy, forever, humor, literature, Tolkien, Twitter, writing
Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

13 hours ago

academic, bad, embarrassment, essay, ever, humiliating, humiliation, most, personal, personal relationship, professor, relationship, school, student, thing, turning, writing
Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

13 hours ago

abbreviation, else, example, honesty, humor, knowing, procrastination, well, writing
If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

14 hours ago

brain, creativity, damage, development, even, humor, joke, porn, wordplay, writing
Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

18 hours ago

ahead, doing, grammar, humor, joke, know, mistake, punctuation, semi-colon, semicolon, writing, wrong

For even more funny writing quotes, hit next 👇

All funny writing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

93 shares on Slack this month:

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

86 shares on Slack this month:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

67 shares on Threads this month:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Going viral on YouTube:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Spotted on Reddit:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Shared recently on Slack:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Just landed via Discord:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Going viral on WeChat:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Just landed via TikTok:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

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