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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,833

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Trending via Snapchat:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Going bananas on YouTube:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Shared recently on Discord:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Just shared via Slack:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

2 months ago

0

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so God is out here playing 4D chess with your life plan, huh? 🤯 Maybe there's a divine purpose behind all these plot twists and turns – just roll with it, you might end up with a super cool story to tell! 🙏✨ #DivineComedyLivesOn

fate, God, gods, humor, life, me, plan, super, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

0

2 months ago

car, driving, feature, highway, humor, making, maybe, newer, oh, shake, stopped, technology, weird
I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

0

2 months ago

guys, humor, i, joke, late, lifestyle, mafia, never, night, sleep, stay
Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

0

2 months ago

answering, answering machine, communication, humor, irony, jokes, machine, misnomer, technology, wordplay
The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

0

2 months ago

darkness, humor, introversion, less, nice, people, season, solitude, thing, winter
The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

0

2 months ago

best, best way, communication, humor, intelligence, me, reach, reach me
The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

0

2 months ago

activity, board, board game, competitive, fit, frustration, fun, fun activity, game, games, human, humor, humorous, humorous quote, i, interaction, know, me, monster, personality, play, self-deprecating, social, social interaction, version

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

42 shares on Slack this month:

69 but we both just farting.

15 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

71 shares on X this month:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

76 shares on X this month:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

38 shares on Discord this month:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

12 shares on Threads this month:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

4,087

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Trending via WeChat:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Breaking via Telegram:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Making waves on WeChat:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Making waves on WeChat:

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

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