Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

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Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

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My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

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The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

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The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

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So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

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True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

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If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

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Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

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A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

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Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.